Teen Aliyah & Klitah

Choosing to come on Aliyah is not an easy decision to make for a family, particularly with teenaged kids. Adolescence is a complex stage in the development of every child. Many adolescents question their social standing and how their peers view them. It is a time when they are struggling with their own identities. These are common concerns that many teenagers and their parents may have during the teenage years. These thoughts can become exacerbated when teens move neighborhoods and schools. This is even more heightened when one moves to a new country, with a different culture and language.

Teens integrate far better when they are prepared and involved in the Aliyah decision making process. They especially appreciate being involved in the process of choosing their new school. Fashion, sports played, after school activities, are all important information for teens to familiarize themselves with in order to feel more socially integrated. Suggest your child write down questions for the school staff when they meet. By encouraging their participation, parents help their teens feel more in control of their lives. This makes them feel more positive about facing the many challenges of this huge transition. Mastering Hebrew is a crucial element to a successful transition for teenage Olim, both in the academic and social realms. It is common for students to experience a period of decreased academic success because of language and curriculum differences. This transitional difficulty is perfectly normal and to be expected. Preparing yourself and your teenager for this beforehand can help to manage realistic expectations. One of the best ways to help your child is to provide them with tutoring in Hebrew. If possible, bring your teen on a pilot trip with you. This allows them to familiarize themselves, first hand, with the new physical environment – what the neighborhood has to offer, where the school is in relation to where you'll be living and what the new accommodations will look like. On their return home, they can begin to plan positively for the move, by acknowledging that they are moving and deciding what they would like to take with them. This often helps them to feel more in control of their lives rather than being propelled by a decision that they may feel their parents have forced them into. If it isn't possible to bring your teenagers, you can take pictures or short videos, in order to give them a similar "view" of their new home, city, and school. The teenage years are rife with a sense of self-doubt, a desire to fit in, and to be like their peers. Being in a new culture with a new language can intensify these feeling, and get expressed by your teen as annoyance and frustration, frequently aimed at their parents who "forced" them to move and don't understand what they are going through. Some teens may become depressed, angry and withdrawn, feeling lonely and fearing failure and isolation. During this time, they particularly need to feel parental support and understanding. Parents need to listen to their teens' complaints, fears and insecurities, without judging them. They don't necessarily want parents to provide solutions for their problems; they usually just want to be heard. By sharing your own challenges, insecurities, and continued efforts to integrate into Israeli culture, parents can model how to navigate and negotiate the Klitah process successfully. Try being flexible whenever you can. Listen to what your teen's request is whether it be to stay out a little later or whether or not to participate in a family outing. By compromising where you can you teach them essential skills of negotiation and compromise. They will be much more likely to cooperate and participate in obligatory events when they feel they are being asked rather than forced. In this way they feel respected and understood. Making Aliyah, even if it is the fulfillment of a dream, is challenging and stressful for everyone. While things may seem confusing and overwhelming, you are not alone! Having opportunities to openly discuss your Aliyah experiences better enables you to move forward towards your goals. This is true for you as well as for your teens. Social support, particularly from other people in a similar situation, immunizes people against stress and helps to normalize and accelerate your klitah.

Olim4Olim is a coaching organization specializing in your unique challenges. We work with your strengths and natural talents to help you articulate your goals, develop a plan for how to achieve them, and then support you in staying focused in reaching your dreams. We offer both one-on-one coaching and also support groups for adults and teen Olim. You don't have to do it alone, and neither do your teens! Best, Jamie and Bev